Chapter 1 (partial)
In Transit
The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18:2
Airplanes have never been my thing. It’s not that I’m necessarily afraid of flying, but I’m not comfortable with the close quarters that come with flying. Bit of a claustrophobe. So the thought of boarding a flight from the states to Africa was never completely on my radar.
The timing of this trip couldn’t have come at a worse time either. She had only been gone for barely two months and yet I’m looking to serve others. Molly. The love of my life; my soul mate, now gone from me. All the travels we had planned together, yet I am standing in an international terminal without her trying to reconnect how I even got here.
Molly’s diagnosis came to a surprise for all of us. I honestly didn’t take it seriously at first, thinking it was just some sort of psychological imbalance. How selfish I had been, even when we were waiting for MRI results, I was wondering what we would have for dinner that night. Living within my own world, unconcerned about what was just around the corner. Yet, here I am, getting on a transcontinental flight; preparing to do something out of my norm.
Being observant of others, I can’t help but people watch while I’m waiting for the flight. It’s easier to do this than to have my own thoughts. I was once one of them, moving along the treadmill of life, not even remotely interested in getting off. After being married for only 3 years, I began a printing press business believing that it would enable me to make my own hours and have the freedom to be with my family. Little did I know, running your own business places you on a never ending highway of responsibility. My days were consumed with work, sometimes not even coming home in the evenings. I relished in building my own little empire, even though my excuse was always that I was providing for my family. My desire to have the material things of life kept me focused on my business, my very own treadmill of life. Never slowing it down, just moving it up to another level of resistance and speed to create the future that I wanted. I truly couldn’t work enough hours or hard enough to have a higher level of financial security.
Now, life has almost completely frozen. All of that has become insignificant. There was no meaning behind it; it was all about “me”. With everything I had accumulated while building my small empire, I learned that it can all crumble quickly before your eyes. We lost it all, a few missteps with business partners and what was a $2 million business became a canyon of debt. It’s amazing how something like that can put your life in perspective though. Molly and I pulled together, where we were moving in different directions, we grew stronger in our marriage as we worked through we looked through the financial difficulties. Seeing a new opportunity of hope, we even considered moving forward in a life of ministry together. Things changed so rapidly within a year. I not only had lost my business, but also my love, my Molly. I find myself left alone, asking God so many questions about how these past two years are going to shape my future.